Vinayak, this one is for you. I’ll do my best to approach the matter and I hope my best will be good enough. However, I intend to extrapolate the discussion into other gray areas of life. Also, I will attempt to address the issue from a global point of view rather than a localized one. Please forgive me if you feel I’m straying a tad far. Nevertheless, be assured that I’ll be talking quite a bit on the case study that you’ve presented. For those who don’t know what is going on, please click https://www2.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=32016345&postID=6629879204132081293
One of the telling moments I recall from Bill Clinton’s affair with Monica Lewinsky came when the then President was asked point blank whether he had sex with the White House intern. The answer from arguably the smartest US president was “It depends on what you mean by sex.” Times were hard it seems, in the Clinton dictionary. To be fair, it is not surprising for Bill to be caught in two minds. If he said yes, he would admit to tarnishing the credibility of the White House, his administration and his personal integrity. If he said no, it would just be a blatant lie. So the President opted in the moment of uncertainty to cover his actions with a smoke screen of ambiguity.
While the case above used ambiguity to cover the truth, I personally feel that the path to truth in the case that we are harping on is clouded with ambiguity. Accepting the results of the study strikes me as one stop shopping for the mind.
From a lawful and a sociological point of view, a minor is simply defined as one who is underage. While the drafted bill in the link defines minors as anyone under the age of 18, there is no universal consensus as to what a minor is. In the United States alone, different states have different definitions of minors (U-16, U-17, and U-18). It doesn’t get any better in the British Isles. England, Wales and Northern Ireland (E, W, NI) use the U-18 stand whereas Scotland (S) uses the U-16 one. Messing things up further, they have an age of criminal responsibility that stands at 10 (E, W, NI) and 8 (S).
What is age? It is a number. A number based on the social construction of time. And age is by no means a measure of wisdom. In my opinion, a minor is anyone who has not yet reached the age of accountability regardless of their nominal age. Probing further, the age of accountability can be seen as a stage where one is aware of intent and can weigh the implications of his or her actions. Now, before anyone snipes me (Ouch!) for blurring things further by not even suggesting an appropriate age range, do consider the fact that all of us have different levels of bounded rationality and some people just mature slower. And if you really want an age range, I’ll say 15-20. Twenty may be a tad over the hill but to be old and wise, one must first be young and stupid. Some people are late bloomers.
Moving out from the age debate (I will not do a Bill Clinton and debate sex or sexual abuse!), we face another debacle. This comes in the nature of the study itself. We are presented with figures and it is said that 38.5 % of children were fondled or touched “there”. Also, 24 % said that relatives did that to them! While the outcome of the study may look fine and dandy, I find the level of clarity and reliability abysmal. How was the study conducted and how were the questions presented? How large was the sample size? Which states in India did the study encompass? Can the results be generalized? What background did the participants have? If the study was done in areas or a state where sexual crimes and incest are high, it is likely to result in a very lopsided report. So many questions can be raised and while a study can show a result, a result alone does not suffice as far as the true nature of reality is concerned. In my opinion, there is much to do from an ontological point of view here.
The study lacks validity as well. The sentence “Many children were also of the opinion that they may not have been in an abusive situation, giving credence (to the assumption) that it may have been consensual sexual activity” disturbs me. A child is most definitely a minor but a minor may no longer be a child. And the very fact that the word “children” is blatantly used makes me wonder how valid the study is. A child grows up internalizing personal experiences at a remarkable rate. Their minds are like sponges and while they lack the discerning faculties of their own, they readily accept what is presented to them as real or good or normal. Hence, if a child is frequently exposed to sexual activity or incest, he or she may regard it a norm and there will be little fuss about it. And this corrupted view may stick with them even as they grow up. This sad act done by the relatives involved can result in the manipulation of the mind. Likewise, this study can in some ways be guilty of the manipulation of facts. I apologize if my train of thought appears radical or offensive. I think I’ve been thinking too much on the manufacture of consent and miseducation.
Also, there is the Stockholm syndrome to consider. When a person’s mind is vulnerable and subject to malleability, there is a tendency for them to get brainwashed. At times, they may also develop a fierce loyalty to their abductors or perpetrators. For example, Colleen Stan a.k.a. Carol Smith was held as a sexual captive by Cameron Hooker and his wife from 1977-1984. Imprisoned in appalling and degrading conditions (She was locked up in coffin-like boxes), she was sexually tortured to the point of physical and mental subservience. At times, the opportunity to escape presented itself but Colleen stayed with those lunatics. The issue is, was Colleen brainwashed into accepting her role as a sex slave or was she a consensual lover and a willing partner in her sexual enslavement as Cameron Hooker maintained? Likewise, are the children or minors brainwashed into accepting that the outrage of their sexual modesty is not abuse?
Let’s move on to the juicy bits. Let me share my own experiences. I kind of grew up too fast. My parents didn’t really have the time to spend with me when I was still having my milk teeth and they gave me everything else. I ended up with a mountain of books and I read and read and read. By five, I phased out Hans Christian Andersen ended up reading my mother’s books. Without a guiding hand, or feather duster, I exposed myself too soon to the issue of sexuality.
Although it is ungentlemanly for me to elaborate, I had my first kiss when I was six. Looking back, it wasn’t a very go
od kiss. My tooth hit her tooth and I think she didn’t really brush that well or at all. Oral hygiene… eww! But anyway, all is forgiven because we are friends now and we understand that although it was a sexual act, it wasn’t harassment as there was no sexual intent involved. For me, it was an innocent gesture and another event on the curious journey to discover my sexuality. For her, I don’t really know what she was thinking and as far as her current dental condition is concerned, please don’t ask me. I don’t want to do that again! Maybe it was good in a way because I learned that a kiss may not be half as sweet as it is hyped out to be. Also, you have to kiss the right girl. Save your lips for someone mature whom you really, really love and respect. Someone who brings out the best in you, someone who loves you for the man you are and for the man you want to be and someone who you’re willing to die for. And take it from me, someone mature who knows how to brush. At least take a mint!
Apart from that incident, I was generally a very well behaved child or minor. My only other walk on the wild side came during a church performance when I was approaching seven years of age. They were having some number shortage that day and they made the fatal decision to combine all children from 5-12 and put the whole bunch of us on stage to sing “Jesus Loves Me This I Know”. I guess I always had this small problem with “authority without reason” and this incident shows it. I was pretty unhappy when some bible school teacher rounded us young kids up and asked us to stand in for the older kids who did a no show. So okay, I got bored on stage singing a song I sang week in, week out. I just had to humour myself. What did I do? I recalled a cartoon where the toons lost their pants and I thought it was pretty funny.
Carnage! I ran all over the stage pulling down other people’s pants. If my memory serves me correctly, the count was four pairs of shorts and a skirt, all of them from the eleven and twelve year olds. The teachers tried to catch me and bring me off but as during my competitive gaming days, I never liked sitting on the bench. Also, I thought that they were playing a game with me and I lead them on a runabout. Being small, I had the advantage of crawling under other people’s legs. Needless to say, mom and dad looked at me like I was the fruitcake and I guess it was good that they were too shocked to spank me. But then again, I might have enjoyed it (Okay… that is just so wrong). Were there victims in this case? Most definitely so! I may be wrong but I believe that the eleven and twelve year old kids had some sense of dignity and unless they liked it, they felt humiliated. Was there a perpetrator? It is arguable as I had no malicious intent whatsoever. I was just watching the wrong cartoon. From this, it can be argued that at times, there is a victim as well as a perpetrator. However, there can also be a victim without a “real” perpetrator. There are other things worth noting from this incident as well. Always learn to wear undergarments early. You never know when they might come in handy.
In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with exploring one’s sexuality. Discovering one’s sexuality without any malicious intent is just another stage of growing up. But allow me to proceed with a caveat emptor as there are limits. As we grow older, our sexual needs and drives are prone to increase and we need to channel or handle them in the right ways. And yes, in my eyes, the private parts of members of the opposite (or similar) sex are strictly off limits. Cough, cough… I’m straight. Write that down!
As we grow older vis-à-vis members of the opposite sex, we observe changes in their behaviourial and physical traits. These changes make them fascinating and it is only natural for us to be drawn to them. The preferences of desirable traits vary from individual to individual and you and I are no different. For example, I love smart and virtuous women. I am the happiest man in the world when I see a woman who can take charge and still acknowledge the fact that she is a woman who desires the same things as her peers. On the other hand, I have friends who love women who have seemingly never ending legs. Well, I’ve dated sexy, tall and rich before and I dare say that nothing comes close to a virtuous and smart woman. If men find them scary, they probably haven’t met enough women. Mmm… maybe I’m the weirdo here.
With that, another question comes into mind. With all the attraction taking place, what is one to do when things seem to spiral out of control? No, no Michael Bolton’s “Can I Touch You There”. I have a friend who shared his compulsive desire to masturbate with me. While the Bible is silent over this issue, the Talmud condemns the unnecessary spilling of semen or other bodily fluids. Personally, I don’t dare add anything to scripture and I won’t dare venture as far as some people like Dr. James Dobson who view masturbation as a process of growing up that should be embraced. Some even say that it is a blessing from God as it may help one stay away from bigger sins. To me, a sin is a sin no matter how bigger or smaller they may be.
Richard Foster makes it quite clear in his book Money, Sex and Power that one often fantasizes in the act of masturbation. And when you fantasize, the person of your affection does whatever you want them to do. They don’t have a say in anything. I’ll take things one step further by saying that they are reduced to abstractions. Their basic human rights disappear and they become mere objects that serve to please your whim and fancy. And to do this to the man or woman we claim to love is so, so, wrong. If I could do it, I probably haven’t loved her enough. Drawing some inspiration from Scripture, whoever looks at another lustfully has already committed adultery in the heart, or mind. Such an act requires intent and the intentions of someone wanking over the person they supposedly love are hardly worth elaborating on. As for my friend, he kicked his habit. I’m not sure whether I had a part to play in any of that but I told him this. “Masturbation may feel really good until you realize that you’re having sex with yourself.”
So what can minors do? For starters, they can channel their desires in a healthy way. And we are communicative beings just as much as we are sexual beings, if not more. So communicate! Learn more from one another, about one another. Things don’t have to be confined to a bed where the only audible noises come in mono syllables. Instead, learn to respect and love others for who they are and if you have any strength left, learn to love and respect yourself.
With the new knowledge garnered regarding the opposite sex, one is actually more in tune with his or herself. Moving on, one can then answer the more important questions in
life, which by some chance, are never really in black or white. For example, let me highlight an extreme story of abortion and discuss it from a personal point of view. On a cold, dark and stormy night… ok, ok. If my wife had critical problems conceiving and it boiled down to saving a life, either hers or the baby, I would pick my woman beyond the shadow of a doubt and allow abortion to take place. She is the reason why I chose to leave my father and mother in the first place to go and be in one union with her. It doesn’t have anything to do with whether she can give birth to a baby or two babies or 101 babies. I love her for who she is and I made a commitment to spend the rest of my life with her. I didn’t make any covenant with a baby who isn’t even born yet. As for the baby, he will not return to me but I will go to him one day. The baby is a bonus and a blessing but my wife is my life as I love her as I would love myself.
This is a catch-22 situation. Two lives that are extremely important to you are at stake. The only question concerns the person you are and the purity and clarity of your love. Some may raise an eyebrow especially those who subscribe to cultural pressure of the need to have offspring at all costs but I guess I find many elements of tradition and culture restrictive and absurd. As I tell my mom, I left the constraints of culture and tradition in Singapore when I was eight. For me, the freedom of the mind, the clarity of faith and the magnitude of love are of paramount importance and not societal of family pressure. With that, do forgive me if I caused any discomfort by discussing that extreme case.
And going back to the question whether sex between minors is ok? I say no. It is not. And if the results of the study are true, which I highly doubt, but by chance, just by chance are true, I think it is very disheartening. The precarious state of identity and the meaning of life is demonstrated in social ills that involve the youth of today from sex among minors to extreme violence. I remember I cried when I read about the Columbine shooting for the first time. Everyone around me seemed indifferent, oblivious to what took place half a world away. The recent killings at Virginia Tech elicited a different response from me however. A deep sense of distrust in the education system and what is deemed as primary importance in today’s world. The university authorities had the opportunity to save approximately 30 lives but they chose to proceed with classes. What good is worldly knowledge to you when you’re dead? What good is worldly knowledge to you when you see your friends fall by your side and you are powerless to do anything? What good is worldly knowledge when you are staring into the barrel of a gun hoping for some miracle that it will malfunction? It becomes meaningless.
I am amazed at how quick people started the search for scapegoats. A Chicago reporter jumped the gun and originally wrote that the gunman at VT was from China. Needless to say, he was left red faced. When the real killer was identified, a backlash against East Asian students followed. And we see the sad progression of hate to murder to presumptuousness to racism to more hate. And the cycle that took place in Columbine repeats itself at VT as the blind lead the blind. Drawing a parallel, the cycle of unbridled and uneducated sexual drives continues as the young people of today lose track of their moral and loving obligations to one another.
I do not put the blame solely on the families of the perpetrators, be it the sexual predators in the case study, Eric and Dylan at Columbine or the Korean at VT. We must look at the roots of such social ills rather than looking at the branches. I think that most of the blame lies behind the pointing fingers of the accusers themselves. Most of the blame in fact, lies in educational boardrooms that set policies that leave young people feeling disillusioned. Some of the blame lies with us. Because we form social support systems that could lessen the impact of people who suffer from depression. Not everyone is blessed enough to snap out of it. I was lucky. We can form support systems to help educate minors on their struggles with sexuality. Everything that is happening around us today can be viewed as spiritual events that can be used to remind us to go back to the basics. We must go back to the hope that springs eternal.
One good historical fact that is worth noting is that the best educational institutions today started of as theological seminaries. In all honesty, the world back then was very much more beautiful than the cities we have today. I recently watched a video recording of a mission trip to a forest tribe and I was close to tears thinking how poor we really are compared to those indigenous people. They live surrounded by nature while we have to fork out hundreds of thousands in order to purchase a little plot of land or some space in the air in order for us to rest our heads. I found the absurdity hard to swallow. Odysseas Elytis said and I quote, “The lack of synchronicity between nature and man caused the lack of synchronicity between body and soul. When the nightingale isn’t heard, the Molotov cocktail is.” I believe that without the influence of religious understanding and an appreciation for the beauty of small things, we can never be at peace. We have been homo duplex individuals since the beginning of time, and by not allowing God into our curriculums, we allow evil to flourish.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5)
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. (Proverbs 9:10)
I was at Genting Highlands from the 13th to 15th of this month and I can never forget the flight of a lone solitary bird in the sky. It circled a few times and cried out seemingly in desperation. Was it looking for food, a mate, or was it just looking for its offspring? And the sound of that bird pounded hard against my ears and at the back of my mind, it was the sound of God crying. An almost audible cry against the evil that is prevalent in our world, crying for the lost, crying for you, for me.
India is a fascinating country for me and I really appreciate the value of its subjectivities. I marvel at how high the literacy rate is in Keralla and I marvel at how rich the history of the nation is. Above all, I marvel at the brave people who serve there like Arundhati Roy and Mother Theresa. And Mother Theresa said that “we touch the hands of God everyday.” I pray that all of us, Christian or not, can work together to make this world a better place in whatever miniscule ways we can.
And right now, I feel a great solicitude. A solicitude for all the young people who suffer mental anguish in the aftermath of sexual abuse. A solicitude for all those who have to look death in the eye and actually taste it. A solicitude for all of us. Because on us depends tomorrow. May I dare so much as to say now that the cries of those who suffer and die will not be in vain. For I know that my God will not allow that to happen.
SALVATION IS HERE
Coz I know my God saves the day
And I know His word never fails
And I know my God made a way for me
It's gonna be alright
Coz I know my God saves the day
And I know His word never fails
And I know my God made a way for me
Salvation is here
That scene from Love Potion no. 9
Playing under the moniker Sarahtan (The standout toon in the pic with the sexy shoulders and the flashing blade), my WoW experience was extremely enjoyable. For the first time since 1998, I could actually play a game purely for fun. There was no pressure to achieve the impossible and the massive multiplayer aspect of the game only added to its appeal. With 12 million players currently and counting, one wonders when the WoW bubble will burst. So appealing was the game that at times, I could actually "switch channels" from the turmoils of life and just play.
"There she goes just a walking down the street... She looks good! She looks fine! She looks good, looks fine and she really blows my mind."
