Old Gamers Never Die...

I will always remember my first Warcraft III Frozen Throne tourney win in 2003. No, it has nothing to do with lucrative prizes. On the contrary, it has a special place in my heart because it was my debut in competitive gaming and winning your debut tournament is quite a feat. The prize was a mere 200 ringgit, a DOOM 3 FPS game that I never installed (Because games like that give me the creeps) and a lousy t-shirt that I never wore. Also, the experience helped me believe in myself and showed that I still had the desire to be competitive after coming out of depression. The guy beside me was my opponent in the final. Nobody really gave me a shot at winning and he was no different. Initially making fun of me before our final match, the closing seconds of the final match came in the form of an in-game conversation.

Whatzizname: "I think it is time for me to say GG (Good game).
Richard: "I don't need you to tell me that."
Whatzizname: "Lan ci"
Richard: "Is that a fruit?"
Richard: "Sorry if I offended you. But seriously man, it really is quite obvious."
Richard: "And the prematch chat wasn't very nice from your part. I'm not complaining."
Whatzizname: "Ok laaaa... nice harassment"
Richard: "GG"
Whatzizname: "GG"

I felt quite bad that he thought I was being arrogant and I asked him to join me in a pic. We met another time at a tourney in 2005 and I'm glad to say that both of us were very well behaved and we had a good game.

What's more is always more and I ended up playing competitively online for foreign teams. I never knew how much money was involved in competitive gaming and it really astounded me how "kids" could actually earn 3-6 times more than their professional counterparts. And it shocked me further that I could actually be a part of that world. Soon, the ringgit made way for euros and I was enjoying every moment of it. After a strong showing at the AGC where I was blessed enough to knock out three of the top five seeds, Team 64 AMD came knocking and the offer was too good for me to turn down. I signed a professional contract which is every Malaysian gamer's wet dream.

From a certain point of view, gaming was great for me then as it funded my school fees and exam payments. It strenghthened the cash nexus and ensured gifts for my parents and the girl every now and then. I made new friends from all over the world and I learned a lot from them. Some of them are still going strong today. Hi Alex!




2004 and 2005 were great years as Team 64 wrapped up a remarkable season to emerge champions of the annual WC3L (Warcraft III League). To cap things further, I came in second in the "Rookie of the Year" awards and finishing as the bridesmaid to someone like mYm.Lucifer who is one of the best Warcraft players in the world today is no joke. I did relatively well in local offline tournaments as well and the entire experience was fulfilling to say the least. My only regret was not practicing hard enough to win WCG Malaysia 2005. I came so close but I guess close is never good enough. Oh well, it serves me right for playing to the crowd. It taught me a very important lesson. Result > Style + Charisma + Entertainment

A very bad 2006 killed my motivation for gaming and the breakup of Team 64 left me further disenfranchised. I had a few opportunities to remain in the scene but I was burnt out from the pressure of delivering results week in, week out. And while my spirit remained young, I had to be honest enough to concede that my body was aging and waking up continuously at 2-3am just didn't seem feasible anymore. Ultimately, I lost my love for the game. It is different when you play a game for fun and when you treat it more than a game and play it solely for the result. I called it quits and left the competitive scene. Nevertheless, my personal life hit one bump after another and I just had to restore some sense of normalcy. I turned to casual gaming and picked up the most addictive game to date, World of Warcraft aka Warcrack.

Playing under the moniker Sarahtan (The standout toon in the pic with the sexy shoulders and the flashing blade), my WoW experience was extremely enjoyable. For the first time since 1998, I could actually play a game purely for fun. There was no pressure to achieve the impossible and the massive multiplayer aspect of the game only added to its appeal. With 12 million players currently and counting, one wonders when the WoW bubble will burst. So appealing was the game that at times, I could actually "switch channels" from the turmoils of life and just play.

But like life, I soon realised that WoW was like a pie eating contest where the reward is more pie. While the evolving game content and the interactive element made everyday new, the core foundations of the game worried me. In economics, we identify a rational consumer through their actions based on their preferences and not whether the preferences themselves are rational. And the preference of 12 million people who willingly threw away their lives scared me. I quit the game after a conversation with a cute gnome mage named Alexa, who is actually a pretty American Chinese lady in real life, who is coincidentally standing beside me in the pic. She really does need a stool.


Richard: "So how long have you been playing this game?"
Mu: "Before release... since beta."
Richard: "Wow... that's a long time?"
Mu: "Yup. Rather long... want the exact amount of time?"
Richard: "Eh?"
Mu: "There is a timer inside the game. Lemme go check."
Mu: "382 days played. I have other alts so I think I've played for about 410 days?"
Richard: "What the h**l? How can you do that?"
Mu: "The same reason why everyone including yourself logs on. For fun."
Richard: "How do you check that timer again?"
Mu: "Type /played"
Richard : "Kk thanks."

My /played came out with 40 odd days. I almost got a heart attack. A little voice in the back of my head whispered "You can make it 50." I told the devil on my shoulder to take a walk. I quit the game the next day. Regardless of how bad my year was, escapism would only make it worse.

2007 saw the release of an old favourite, Command & Conquer. Needless to say, I picked up a copy with the desire to enter WCG for one last hurrah. Without much effort and playing only sparingly, my rank constantly hovered in the world's top 30. I agreed to join a Singaporean team and I took a couple of young enthusiastic players under my wing. After only 3 training sessions that only lasted half an hour each (My CnC games normally last 4-6 mins) due to real life commitments, they have made remarkable progress. While I'm happy that I can still make an impact in this area, I'm not as young as I used to be. Part of me wishes I was 18-20 again so I could play another 2-3 years with these young kids. Part of me wishes I could play for another 2-3 years. Well, I can. But I choose not to. I don't want to.



A sister of mine has the surprising and sometimes inspiring tendency to give me a good smack whenever I need it and by some coincidence, she left me with some food for thought immediately after I confirmed the end of my gaming days. Quoting from Benjamin Franklin, "Life's greatest tragedy is that we grow old too soon and wise too late." I'm happy that I've decided to stop now before getting burned out again. Delving deeper, there are other reasons. I realized that I've touched lives in every sphere of my journey be it in the real world or the virtual one. Many people cried the day I decided to leave WoW and it really baffled me as it rarely happens in such magnitude in real life. But I guess love and relationships transcends all barriers.

Part of the reason why I decided to try WoW out was that I was tired of being alone and I was disappointed by all the lousy and superficial relationships out there. Hence, I sought to build bridges in a world where appearances are secondary (Or so I thought). While I managed to develop a close rapport with the people who I got to know personally in the game, most of them were half a world away. On the other hand, the people who could reciprocate directly were before my eyes. I just didn't see it because I lost faith in people and I lost faith in myself. I'm tired of chasing after the wind. I was lost and weary and delusional but I know what I want now. I know what I need. I know what I love; my God and His people.

Some of you remember me as that torch blower who subscribed to R.D.Laing's arguments that families are dysfunctional. As some of you already know, I no longer support that stand. And while some of you are shocked, allow me to clarify my view that it is what we do that determines whether families work or not. I always believe that effort and pleasure go hand in hand. But effort must come first. It starts with us and sitting in front of a monitor for a few hours every week isn't going to make our families better. Some of you play games to get the load off your shoulders and I admit that I was no different but it only lets the real problems linger. Let's get on the balcony and get our hands dirty shall we?

We can make that difference if we believe and want it hard enough. Many of you fellow gamers will agree that belief gets 50% of the job done. So to all the people struggling with their relationships with their loved ones or their families, may you believe and act. Elvis said that ambition is a dream with a v8 engine. So it is with faith and love. Seriously i say to you, damn the money. Some of you say that I've changed and if I can change then you can change and we can make this world a better place for all of us.

To my friends in the picture above, truly I say to you, whoever does the will of my Father are my brothers and sisters. Thank you for all that you've done and for all that you're going to do. This is where I know I'm home.

This is home, surely

Where I know I must be

This is where I'll never be alone

For this is where I know I'm home

I thank everyone who has been an inspiration and an encouragement throughout my progaming days. What I've experienced would not be possible if not for all of you behind me. A football club will never have a great legacy if not for its fans and likewise, I would never have made it without your support. I'm overjoyed to see the gender revolution going on today and with more and more ladies entering the scene, some of our efforts to make gaming a truly universal sport are not in vain. We were right when we kickstarted the "Girls play it better" campaign. It is what costs that constitutes value and to all the ladies out there (Les Seules, Megapolis, Burnt Pink et cetera), your success costs you so much. You see Sofie, I remember. :)

General Douglas Mac Arthur once said that "old soldiers never die... they just fade away." Taking a leaf from his book, I'll say that old gamers never die, they just fade away. I leave with many smiles. The ride has been fun and I now retire to tend to what really matters to me from the inside out. My family. I wish all of you the best in gaming, be it professional, casual or just to kill time. Always remind yourself that while you can look after your pockets if you make it big, ask what is more important for you. Then go and do it. For all the budding stars out there, remember that success in this line is determined by skill, attitude and effort. Lastly, winners never quit and quitters never win.

With that, I now fade away.